I'm Restless

The gulf waves are music to my thoughts. But not gentle music...not relaxing music...enjoyable, yes, because the sound and sight of the sea is always enjoyable... also disturbing harmony, or maybe even DIS-harmony to my mind's wandering.

The past year has been tough - the loss of Mary's job, the income of which was a most significant family contribution; the failure of Jayne's bank, the loss of seniority, benefits, security, as she holds on to a most tenuous position with the possibility of it's end each day; the financial burden of 'special assessments' from our condo association, with perhaps more, much more to come; the retirement funds that have not recovered regardless of media reports of the 'health' of 'Wall Street'. And then the death of Michael...the trauma, the loss, the doubts... how? why?

And, my upcoming 71st birthday...

Mary is volunteering with SunCoast Hospice, the organization which may be one of the most altruistic, beneficial, useful, and most helpful to those who are terminally ill, live at home, and have family care-givers in need of, at times, as much, or even more, support as the patients themselves. The hours she spends results in stories brought home, and one theme, that to me, emerges most dramatically: as we age, we're obviously more susceptible to God knows what (and He isn't telling us (or She or It, or They - depending on your beliefs, take your choice)), and in more instances than I care to hear about, one day you're fine, healthy, active...and the next day, you're heading out the exit, and it isn't pretty, it isn't nice...it's laborious, draining, painful.

Choices, for all these thoughts, range from, if this, then that, if that, then this, or the other, or....no choice...





Sounds depressing, I know. And me, read my other posts: you'll find me (hopefully) to be cynical and positive, happy and hoping, accepting and looking for angles.





And that's the restlessness...all my plans, schemes, hopes, dreams, are being challenged - well not all, but enough. And yes, I also know, comparatively, my life and my immediate family's is so far removed from so so many others facing 'REAL' challenges, and then add in those who are victims of 'Nature's ceaseless 'toying' with us (support for my 'real' belief: God did not intend for us to be on Earth - it was His 'Experimental' planet.. Adam, (and Eve.. remember, he, Adam got lonely with only God as his companion (a lesson in here somewhere??) so God thought - okay, if I'm not enough of good company, I'll give him a companion alright..) were indeed meant to be the caretakers as Genesis says, operating out of the Garden, however, alas, ..good for us, I guess, although we probably wouldn't have known about that, this, or anything relative to Earth, other than reading about in the Celestial Times, the Heavenly Pre-existent newspaper (come on: admit it, what an imagination!!) Adam, or rather Eve, was 'seduced' by a new 'diet' food, and motivated Adam (wonder how she did that) to go along...) ... anyway, back to 'Nature's' 'toying' with us..in Samoa, India, the Philippines (why is it always 'the' Philippines??), Indonesia.. all those in the 'current' news who have lost literally everything, and whose family/friends have drowned, been buried, etc...I know, for those of you who are LDS, you don't 'appreciate' this line of thoughts, particularly right after Semi-Annual Conference...yet, these events are not fiction, they are as real, and much more 'invasive' than the well-intentioned words of "love your neighbor, be of good cheer"....all of which ARE of real value and use, and yet... yet, do indeed pale by comparison in impact on lives. Sorry, unpleasant, and true.

At this point, the thought occurs to some: 'How does this guy find Joy, and Happiness, and so on, in Life ??

And my answer: I DO !!

So watch and listen to the sounds and sights of the sea ... find your own significance.....





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